Memoir Entry 9: Signing a lease, Getting sick, Tinder

5:15 p.m.

Well, I’ve done it. I signed my lease for a studio apartment next year. I’m super excited honestly, even though the complex is a little further away from campus, it more than makes up for it in amenities and the actual rooms themselves. Fully furnished, almost every bill paid, free internet and cable WITH HBO, A PATIO, a bathroom bigger than the one I have back home… I’m stoked! Yesterday was not a fun day. I ended up smoking some of the strongest weed I’ve ever used, and after I shot off like a rocket, I came back down like the Challenger. I have never laid on my bathroom floor with the shower running because I didn’t have the stomach to move for 3 hours straight. Just 3 hours of steam boxing my shower and laying on the floor with a towel, not even in the shower. I don’t get sick often, but when I do, I GET SICK. I figured it was because I had smoked the night before, but after doing extended research I learned that I haven’t smoked anywhere near enough to start having negative reactions to bud. I slept almost the entire day away yesterday, then I ended up having a small smoke session with Fez. Must not have been the weed because we smoked the same stuff, even more so than the first time, and I felt completely fine all day. That’s good to know, I’d rather have food poisoning than to not be able to smoke. 

Recently though I picked up a dry herb vaporizer, really only because it allows me to smoke in public and it’s a cleaner way to feel the affects. It also works great for small, medicated doses for when I become angry or sore throughout the day.  All I need to do now is get on the ball with homework and I’m golden for now. 

Well, almost. I need income. Sure I have plenty saved up but I need to start putting back in instead of always taking out. I’m honeslty putting some serious thought into selling weed. A friend of mine even wants to partner. I don’t know. I’m not saying it’s a good idea, it’s just an idea. Just something to think about. 

6:00 p.m.

I honestly hate tinder. It’s a place where objectification, whores(literal whores, not being deragotory to women in general), fuckbois, and double standards run wild. A lot of girls put something like “Swipe left if you’re not X height.” Can you imagine if a guy had something like that in his bio? “Swipe left if you don’t have 36C’s or bigger,” “Swipe left if you don’t have to wiggle to get your ass into skinny jeans.” No girl would ever swipe for a douche that had that in his bio. Then you have girls that literally just ask you for money, I’m pretty sure you know what for. And most guys on tinder? Don’t even get me started. If you’re a girl in her teens to low 30’s, you probably already have an idea of how some guys act online. I don’t even know why I have it. Probably because I’m way too awkward to flirt with somebody in real life. Oh well, it’s worked in the past for me, so I’ll keep using it.

8:10 p.m. The following evening

Not sure what happened last night before I fell asleep. I just can’t seem to remember… Well anyways today was a new day. It’s a Sunday, so a pretty laid back day I’d say. Was supposed to meet with a friend of mine in the library to discuss selling, timing didn’t work out but I still chalked out some general hypothetical profit margins, prices, mediums, and other basic info. Right now the risk is looking too great versus the reward, so I don’t think I’ll go through with it at this point in time. After that bust, I watched some Narcos and got some pinwheel pasta Alfredo. Spent most of the day buzzed from my vaporizer, but I finished what I could for the day so id say it was fine. I’m sitting in my spot now on campus; you know we all have a spot. A friend of mine likes to go to an apartment rooftop, a different friend likes to sit on her dorm’s benches. I like to sit in the bleachers of an a adorned ampitheater right outside my dorm. Peaceful, nice view, secluded… Just an overall cool place. Versatile, in the sense that I can sit here alone and just think, or I can bring a friend here to smoke and they’ll be like “wow this is a cool place you know.”  

10:51 p.m.

Fez came by and distracted me. I’m back in my room now, I was going to get one last homework thing done where I watch a movie and take notes on analyzing it,but I feel exhausted now. Time to go to sleep I think. 


Memoirs of an Average Unaverage Guy: Entry #8- Coming back to college. 

7:27 p.m.

Haven’t felt like writing much these past few days. Drove to the mall with Aunt Kathy yesterday, picked up two pairs of Vans and some joggers. Got a sweet pair of buzz light year vans so that kickass. Finally got a weed guy to deliver… He’s good enough that he’s coming again tomorrow. Got sick again last night, woke up at 5 a.m. by projectile vomiting while laying on my back. I now officially hate gravity.  

January 19, 2:07 p.m.

Guess I fell off the writing train for a bit. I don’t know, I just haven’t been feeling well lately. Still having appetite and naseua issues, thinking it may have to do with marijuana withdrawal since I went from a gram a week to 20 grams over 4 weeks, and then back down to about 2 grams a week now. Was probably a shock to my body and it’s probably struggling to flush thc out my system. After a week or two of lowered use I expect to be right back where I was before break. Live and learn I guess. 

University has started again. I’m now in my second semester of college. My classes are nice, but I can tell there will be some struggles up ahead in some classes. I still need to pick up new school supplies and books, but with how lines are right now, I think I’ll save myself the trouble of standing in line for an hour and a half just so I can shell out 300$ on 2 books that I will only read 3 pages out of each and just go next week so I don’t have to wait to be robbed. Getting an apartment lease set up for next year with a friend, hopefully that all goes smoothly. My friend Gus withdrew from here with no warning, and he won’t tak to me or anyone else. Not sure what’s up with that, but I know he’s alive because I saw him moving out and he’s still liking things on Facebook. 

I’m thinking about selling weed. As of right now, I have no financial income aside from what I already have in the bank and the 200 a month I get from my mom to live on. Not really keen on working in fast food, and with no car I can’t go into town to work, so it’s just been something I’ve been considering. I used to sell other stuff high school, this can’t be too different, right? Probably a stupid idea, but that’s why it’s still just an idea right now, nothing set in stone. 

I got a new roommate and suite mate, which was surprising. I knew about the roommate, but had no idea a new suite mate was coming. My roommate is okay, don’t really talk to him much. He is way too fucking loud in the morning when he’s getting ready though. Suite mate on the other hand, is a great new addition. First off, he’s 21. That’s great for loads of reasons, main one being alcohol. He’s also from chile (he’s an exchange student) and he’s honestly pretty cool. It’s amazing to see the differences we share. He almost lost his shit when he learned that tap water is clean, and that water fountains are free. He says in Chile water is almost never free, which baffles me to no end. If you’ve ever seen That 70’s Show, imagine a cool Fez that speaks even worse English and you have my new suitemate. In fact, I’ll probably refer to him as Fez in this blog (I don’t use anyone’s real name when I write). Out with Gus and in with Fez I suppose. 

Not much else has been happening really. Glad to be back home again, Fez is getting me to work out again, and classes are going smoothly. Really like my English and theatre professors, I can tell I’ll enjoy those classes (which is ironic for me to say because I’m skipping theatre right now). I bought a weed vaporizer, it just seemed like a healthier option to me. Not sure what I think about it yet, I’m still toying around with it. Started watching Shameless. Not a bad show, I can see why people were telling me to watch it. Think I’m done writing for now, I apologize for the delay. I’ll try to be more on top of it. Hope you’re having a good day if you’re reading this!

Memoirs of an Average Unaverage Guy: Entry 7- Rude, Arrival, Cats & Some Other Stuff

7:32 p.m.

It happened again. I hate it when it happens. Someone said I was rude. A good friend this time, even. Makes it even worse. I always get called rude when I’m really not trying to be rude. I’m not rude; I’m blunt. You can generally tell when I’m trying to be rude to someone because I’ll probably be threatening to shove a various body part of their’s into a different various body part. That or I’ll call them any sorts of a variety of colorful words, such as the all-time classic “Dumb-ass,” or something creative and vulgar thought-up right on the spot like… “Chicken-Cunt-Nugget.” Maybe even the elegant British “Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys” if they happen to be French(no offense to French people… don’t look at me, look at the British. It’s their insult). Anyways. Getting sidetracked. I hate it when people call me rude and I’m genuinely not trying to be rude at all. I hate it even more when a good friend says it. What happened was my friend was sick in her apartment all day, and she sent me so crazy filtered selfies because she was bored. Well, I said “You have problems,” and she got offended and said I was rude. I don’t know, I guess I figure that any good friend of mine is used to my sarcasm and bluntness(is this even a word?) but I guess I can’t assume that.  Anyways, we talked it out and we’re fine now, but it still made me sad. :Reminds me I’m not considered “normal” and that I have trouble talking to people.

8:21 p.m.

Saw the movie Arrival today with Aunt Kathy. Not sure what I think about it. The story relied on a really big plot point about time travel that they just spring up out of nowhere 2/3 into the movie, which I don’t like. Anything that involves time travel is confusing, so that doesn’t help it.If you’re going to have time travel in your movie, don’t try to explain how it works. You’re just going to confuse people. Just put it in the movie and let people figure it out themselves if they want to think about it so hard. Because how can you explain something that doesn’t exist for us yet? It was still an amazingly made movie and they really did a good job enthralling me with the story. Not many movies out there portray aliens as good guys, so I’m glad they did in this movie.

I don’t really know what to write. Think I might just play some video games or watch some YouTube/CrunchyRoll/Netflix until I passout from the day. I spent a good hour street driving a completely new route to me. I experienced my first school bus. I get it now. It’s like driving behind a permanent red light that flips you the bird in the form of a stop sign every time it decides to say “Fuck you” and flash it’s red lights. One of the kids tripped on her way out and face planted so that was kind of funny. Not trying to sound like a dick, it’s just funny when someone doesn’t look where they step and end up ass over tea kettle. The girl was fine and laughed it off so that’s good. Obviously if she had seriously hurt herself I’d be out that truck and on her in 5 seconds flat making sure she didn’t die (If you’re not me and you’re reading this, I’ve been working as a lifeguard for 2 years now).

My fucking cat Yugi almost exited the page, I was about to have two dead cats. Nah I kid. I’m actually still really sad about my cat Joey dying earlier this week. Yugi is actually Joey’s twin brother, they were born in a litter of 4 kittens. Three orange and a black one, with three boys and an orange girl. Joey(2), Yugi(3), Marik, and Blondie (Yes I got most of their names from Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the number next to their name indicates how many cats had that  same name before. Think numbers for people, but for cats. Garfield the Third. King Charles VIII. So there was one Joey before this Joey, and two Yugis before this one now.) Marik(the black one) and Blondie(the girl) died early as kittens. Joey and Yugi lived past kitten-ry(???) and grew up to be pretty nice cats. Yugi still isn’t even a year old, his birthday is in April. I can probably find the exact date because pictures I took that day of their birth should be time stamped in my phone. Anyways. Joey just got hit by a car last week, so Yugi is it now from my kittens. I have a lot of cats since my mom is a vet and she takes in a lot of strays or cats that lost their homes. Most are just strays that hang around the backyard and you can’t even get near them; but there are a few good ones that come into the house and get petted and they really are “pets” you know? There’s Tiger(a literal living mass of fur that does nothing but relax all day), Grey(first generation kitten, old man now, has always been my main man, neutered), Cookies(doesn’t do much honesty… half the time I forget he even exists until I see him in the yard or something, neutered), Yugi(not neutered but also not old enough to be a daddy), the LSBD quadruplets(also the current generation of kitten mothers), Fire(kitten), Red(father to most of the kittens), Batman(negative twin of rainbow, neutered), Rainbow(positive twin to Batman, spayed), and there’s a new kitten named Scribbles that’s starting to open up to me. Lot’s of cats. Thank god by some miracle they all use the same litter box.

10:06 p.m.

I could talk about my cats all day honestly. I probably should’t. I think I’m going to try to get Yugi registered as a therapy animal so I can have him with me in my college dorm. Of course my new room mate would have to be okay with that. Hopefully I like him. We haven’t really talked much, he just came over one time to drop some stuff off in the dorm before break. My old room mate wasn’t the most entertaining guy to live with, so hopefully this guy will be better. He seems better so far. At least this guy actually has wall decorations for our bland ass pale cream walls. Seriously, how could my last room mate live with no decoration what-so-ever? He didn’t even have a computer screensaver or background for fuck’s sake. Honestly. Something wrong with that boy. I’m trying to buy weed in my home town instead of my college town, and it’s proving to be harder than first anticipated. First off there’s not nearly as many that deliver. I don’t have a car, so unless a meetup point is within walking distance I need delivery. Then the ones that do deliver either got jacked up attitude or jacked up prices. I should’ve bought more for break. I thought 16 g’s would last me, but I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel with what I have now(literally). I’m slowing down on smoking now anyways though, need to start getting back into the school routine. I only allow myself to load up .2-.4 grams a day now, as opposed to the .4-.8 I was loading out earlier in break. I probably should’ve done the math so I’d smoke an even amount every day of the break, but nothing I can do about it now. I talked to my mom about weed some more since I asked her to change a 100 for me so I had bills to buy more. She still says she’ll grow some if I get her some seeds. She’d probably end up smoking it herself. I laugh, but it might be worth a shot if I can find something reliable. The effects of almost daily smoking throughout this winter break have been obvious though. I’ve generally been a chipper and happier person than I have been in years past, and I’m much more vocal than I was a few months ago. Once I get back to college I’ll be back to a 3-time-a-week smoke schedule, excluding little night-one hitters to help me sleep. The sleep aide is actually really nice. I love sleeping after smoking, it is the deepest and most restful sleep you will ever have.

Think I’m done writing for today. If you’re reading this, I hope you’re having a good day. Stay frosty.

10:41 p.m.


Memoirs of an Average Unaverage Guy: Entry 6- Classic Rock, Fighting as a Kid, People’s Painting of Me

12:10 p.m.

Went out driving this morning like I said I would. I think it was my best run yet, except for when I floored Aunt Kathy’s truck over a curb. Oh well, live and learn. Anyways. I love Classic Rock. I have a playlist on Spotify that’s just filled with The Rolling Stones, AD DC, Kiss, Queen, etc., and I love this playlist. Classic Rock has just always been my go-to, my favorite music. Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of rap, but classic rock always comes back. I grew up with a CD player, not getting my first iPod until I was 12. I had 3 artists that I had CD’s for growing up: Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, and Queen. Queen was always the favorite though. We Will Rock You was the first Queen song I ever heard. They played it in elementary school P.E., when they made use run laps. They would lower the volume whenever the verses started mentioning kicking can, so all I heard was a jumbled mess of children running on the tiled floor and the music volume dropping in and out, but I knew I liked whatever it was that I was hearing. Shortly after that, I discovered the name of the song after asking around. Then, the next time little elementary schoolkid me went to a Walmart, I bought a CD. Queen’s Greatest Hits, 1992 album cover. 

6:40 p.m.

Was cut off early from writing and got sucked into some call of duty. Now me and my mother are at one of the nicest places to eat here. So nice they they give you popcorn and soda for free while you wait to be seated.  That’s pretty cool I guess. I figure it’s probably because this is my last Sunday home and the last opportunity for a nice meal before I head back to college. I can’t wait to go back to college. Life is just so much easier and fulfilling back home. I’m laughing in my head right now because this restaurant that I’m at uses saddles as it’s bar stools, and this middle aged Asian man looked at it for 10 seconds with a confused look on his face while he tried to figure out how to sit in it😂😂😂. I wonder if emojis will show up in my blog. Personally, I love emojis. They help personify text and show your would-be facial expressions. There’s a kid in here sagging down past his ass. I thought these idiots were all gone. I never understand people that do it; I mean it just looks so dumb and it only hinders you.  I remember in middle school there was a kid that sagged down to his knees. Thought he was hot shit but could barely speak past a first grade level. He liked to talk a lot of smack and start a lot of shit. Back in middle school I got into a lot of fights, and this kid was one of them. I was playing Yu-Gi-Oh with a friend of mine at lunch and I guess he didn’t take to kindly to that, so he came over and swept all of our cards off the table. Wasn’t a long fight since it happened in the cafeteria at lunch time. Teachers were able to break fights up quickly back then. We were all small back then, it wasn’t like how it was in highschool. Much easier for a teacher to pull two 12 year olds off each other than to pull two 17 year olds off each other. 

8:11 p.m. 

Anyways. I fought a lot back then. Lots of bullies. I was always a target as a kid, from elementary to middle school. I never liked to just sit and be picked on though, I liked to fight back. Unless it was a fight I’d clearly lose. Then I liked to sit and be picked on🤔. Middle school was really bad though. Honestly the worst 3 years of my life. Didn’t really have any friends, I got bullied a lot, I fought a lot, I got mixed up with the wrong crowd… Man fuck middle school. Let’s just get rid of it, abolish it. Hell, let’s just get rid of the number 6 7 & 8 in general. Good bye and good riddance. I’m kidding of course. 

I wonder what my writing looks like to other people. I wonder what people that don’t know me think of me. Hell, I wonder what people that do know me think of me. Whenever I read, my mind always paints a mental image in my head of the writer. What I imagine they look like. What I imagine they sound like. What I imagine their tone to be. I wonder what other people paint when the read what I write. Or even when they just see a picture of me. Or see me walking down the street. Shame I can’t read minds. 

Well, dinner’s done and I don’t really want to write anymore. If you’re reading this, I hope you’re having a good day. 

8:46 p.m.

The Memoirs of an Average Unaverage Guy: Entry 5- Haircut Fears, More Stuff About My Mother and Pot, Responsibility.

11:32 a.m.

So apparently I can write on my phone. So apparently I can write right now. Just got my haircut, shit sports clips got expensive. 19$ for a men’s cut? Fuck me right? I went for the 22$ option though where I get a hot towel massage and shampoo, which I figure is worth it for 3 extra dollars. Now I’m waiting on Aunt Kathy to get back from the bank so I can go back home. Haircuts are always a weird thing for me.

12:23 p.m.

Aunt Kathy finally came, apparently she had a long line at the bank and some crazy lady chased her a couple of blocks in a fit of road rage. Aunt Kathy said that the lady flipped her a two handed bird and Aunt Kathy just smiled and waved, and that’s when the lady got mad and chased her for a bit. Funny story I guess. Anyways. Back to haircuts. They’re always weird for me, you know? Like first off, I used to have to remember my measurements for my cuts. Thankfully I don’t have to anymore, shit I went in there thinking I wanted a 2 or a 3 on my back & sides but when they put me in the computer it turns out I last got a 5. I got a 4 this time, if you care. Pretty short on the sides and back, but still nice and long up top; I have to say, I look good(which I damn well better after a goddamn 19$ haircut).In addition to the measurements though, there’s an issue I have in the back of my mind with letting ANYONE come near my head with sharp blades. It’s always a nagging sensation in the back of my mind; plus not to mention freshman year of high school when I fucked myself with a pair of electric clippers trying to trim my own neck, and I had to wear a hoodie or beanie for the next 3 months waiting for my hair to grow back. Next there’s this fear I have when I go to a new person, it’s that they’ll be absolute shit or fuck up in some way and my hair ends up looking like what Justin Beiber tries to pass off as facial hair (no hate to Justin, I like his new songs, but his facial hair emotionally scars me). That’s not even the end of it yet. Then there’s the SMALLTALK. I do not like smalltalk. It doesn’t come to me naturally. Sorry if this is rude to say, but I typically don’t care about what’s going on in other people’s lives. Like I’m not trying to sound like an asshole, but why would I care about what’s affecting somebody else that doesn’t affect me in anyway? Now I don’t mean If you’re actual friends and whatnot, because then you should care about what they have to say. But if you’re my temporary barber, or my grocery bagger, or my uber driver, and it’s likely I’ll never see you again? I typically don’t care if you’ve been working a long shift or not. Haircuts just aren’t my favorite thing man. My mother used to bribe me with candy so I’d sit still when they cut my hair. It’s true, we all have a price.

I feel like I should start trying creative writing again. Like what I’m doing right now is basically just writing down the voice inside my head word for word. Well, the main voice anyways. But I haven’t really done any creative writing as of late. Maybe I should try writing some short stories to get back into it, alongside these memoirs. I have no idea what I’d write. I always loved action and adventure, fiction and fantasy, so maybe something along those lines. Lots of people are doing shit in the future now. Dystopian novels. Sci-fi movies. Maybe I could do something like that; but maybe I should do something completely different. I have no idea, I guess I’ll just have to think about it. Actually, I might as well try it right now.

Creative writing?

Shots rang out, piercing the cold city night. Footsteps, two pair, can be heard pounding against concrete. The first pair of feet race under a streetlight, revealing a smallish person wearing a pair of red and white hi-tops, some dark jeans, a black hoodie, and a black bandana over their face. The first person continues running, ducking into an alley just as another shot rang out and a bullet whizzed past, setting off a car alarm a block away. Idk. Food’s here. I’m out for now✌🏻️

2:15 p.m.

I don’t know why, but I’m not eating as much as I used too. It’s not like I’m starving myself, it’s just that I’m just not as hungry anymore. I used to eat a lot of food every day, but now I can just eat one small meal a day and be fine. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m home from college and I’m not expending as much energy, or if it’s because of how much I’ve been smoking, or if it’s something else entirely. At the restaurant I’m at right now for lunch, I once ate 2 sandwiches here. That’s a pound of meat, plus bread, plus sides, plus soup, plus drinks. Today, I only ate soup and half a sandwich before I was full. This is a nice restaurant too. You know you’re at a nice restaurant when the to-go boxes are plastic and they give you different boxes so you can individually pack your entre, side, and any sauce you might have. I love restaurants. They’re literally places that serve art that you eat. I love cooking and I love food and I love the ability to share art, so I love restaurants. Cooking really is an art in my opinion. I don’t mean anything like McDonalds or anything(though a certain yellow sponge might disagree with me), but whether it be home cooking or a full fledged restaurant, cooking that has had time and effort and care put into it is art.

5:29 p.m.

Well. Today has been an eventful day. My mother finally started talking to me about smoking, just asking questions and such. It was clear she just wanted to get the point across that she was okay with it. That was nice, I guess. Aunt Kathy wants me to come over and watch football. I don’t like football. I don’t want to go. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how late a football game would run. I told her I went out shopping after lunch but halftime is just now starting, and I only have about an hour’s worth of time until my excuse starts to seem a little too long. I guess I’ll have to suck it up and go pretend to watch football and know whats happening.

Honestly I love smoking. I just spent 15 minutes playing with packing peanuts like they were little people, and I ain’t ashamed. Today one of the questions my mother asked me was why I smoke. There are a lot of different answers to that, main ones are it helps slow my mind down, it helps me sleep at night, it helps me not be as stressful, it makes me a happier person in general, and getting high is just a nice feeling overall. Before I started smoking, I still didn’t really get angry much; but it would build up inside me over time, and eventually something would be the straw that broke the camel’s back and I’d explode. My explosions burn short and hot. I’ll punch a hole in my wall, or I’ll throw around some furniture. Then 5 minutes later I call myself a dumbass and I buy a poster to put over the wall or I rearrange my room back to the way it was. I haven’t had any since I started smoking. If I start getting mad at a game, or someone I know pisses me off, or I remember the time I got knock’d the fuck out in sixth grade, I just take a hit and I’m all “Oh look anime wow”. I don’t know. I know people have a lot of mixed feelings about weed. I think it’s fine though. One thing I do know for sure is that that kid that knocked me out in sixth grade fought like a dirty bitch and that’s the only reason he got me. Shit I can’t lie to myself. He threw two punches early as soon as he saw me, one on each eye. Two punches, two black eyes, and I was on the ground looking at birds dance around my head. Sad thing is I don’t even remember what the fight was about. You know it was about some stupid shit if you can’t even remember why you got knock’d out.Anyways. Rambling.

I guess this will be a long entry today. I don’t know, I just felt like writing a lot today. I got my first follower. Like, a real follower I guess. A real person. Not a questionable person. Even left a comment on another entry. That’s pretty cool I think. Now I know that at least one other person is reading this stuff, and that’s a comforting feeling. I always wanted to be a youtuber, whether a vlogger or a video game player or a full-fledged studio or what, but I always wanted to do that. Same as how I used to want to be an actor. But see, thing is, I don’t like myself when I see myself on video or I hear myself in a recording. In my eyes and ears, I never look good when I see or hear myself, and it ends up sitting in the back of my head, nagging me. So I don’t think I could be a youtuber. I couldn’t stand to watch myself over hours of editing only to cringe the entire time. So I think I’ll write. Much more comforting. Much more portable too. You can write a blog on your phone anywhere. You cant whip out your phone and film a vlog everywhere. Maybe I’ll take my laptop to Aunt Kathy’s and write some more there. Anyways. Sit, I’m always going off track… good thing I can read back and remind myself. Thank you to my one follower as of right now.

6:18 p.m.

I think writing will help put my life back on track. This past semester and even earlier into this summer has really all been just so much of a blur to me, filled with problems and bad experiences, but also new, different, and fun experiences. It’s all just been a bit of a blur.Work, college, parties, relationships, more work, friends, family, life changes… just a lot to sort through. I think writing will help me sort it all out. Monday I need to call my summer job and fix something wrong with my application. You see, since I wrote it down here, it’s more likely that I’ll actually do it this Monday.

8:30 p.m.

I took a short break. To do what exactly, I’m not sure. Just kind be high in the clouds in my own little world I guess. I played some video games, played with some more packing peanuts(Oh god I need help), and just listened to some Childish Gambino. Heartbeat always hits me when I’m high. I didn’t end up going to Aunt Kathy’s. My excuse held out. I am however going driving with her early tomorrow morning, which means no morning smoking. I can’t even drive in Grand Theft Auto 5 without killing myself and 10 pedestrians 30 seconds in the car; I don’t even want to think about what I’d do in real life if i drove high… Worst thing I can thing of is taking out an entire children’s hospital. So no. Sober driving for me. I like life. Earlier in the semester, when frat Rush parties were still going on; I went to a party with 2 other guys who I never spoke to again and my party friend, Chelsea. I wasn’t good friends with Chelsea at the time so I didn’t go home with her. Little did I know she’d be living with me in a few months, crazy right? College party slut you go to a parrty a few times with====> roommate/best friend? More about her later though. I wasn’t good friends with Chelsea at the time, so I didn’t go home with her; I went home with the two guys. Now, these two already knew each other, and they were both taller than me, so I was the odd man out. Now, we’re all drunk, it’s pouring like a mother fucker, we’re walking from the frat house to a parking garage. Now, this night, it’s honestly the craziest stuff I think I’ve done in the span of a single day; but I don’t know that for sure(There is one party I went to later on that I got black out drunk at… apparently it was 5 a.m. and I still had a vodka bottle in my hand). First off, did I mention this was my FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE? First day of college, I went to my first party. First party I went to, first beer I had(I had drank other alcohols before though). Lot’s of firsts. First time I went out and did anything with one of those girls. You know those girls, the girls that just party all night and shop but not buy anything all day. I had never tried talking to those girls before, I thought they were stupid. That might be true, I’m still not sure; but even though she was one of those girls, we ended up becoming pretty good friends. Probably because we’re equally sporadic, narcissistic, and self-centered. Wow, I really don’t shine a positive light on myself. Anyways. I go to this party with them, I leave with them. Chelsea runs off with her friend, so I get stuck with the other two guys. They offered my a ride back to my dorm, but even though it was pouring rain and it was my first time being drunk, I still had enough sense to not get in that truck. First day of college, shit, could have also very easily have been my last. Moral of the story I guess is always stay within the limit of where you know what you’re doing. Even first time drunk me knew that. Good job, first time drunk me. God, I am just rambling on and on today.

9:07 p.m.

This line starts at 242o words, so I think I’ll load up the water pipe and really get into this paragraph-to-be. Okay. I’m set. I’m watching a Vanoss video right now. If you don’t know, Vanoss is a guy that plays video games for comedic value on youtube. He’s been successful enough with his videos he stars in a tv show and has his own animated series. Like damn I’d consider myself successful as fuck if I was in his place. Anyways. Watching a Jev vlog now. Jev is by far my favorite vlogger, me and him are just so alike I think. Except he can actually grow facial hair. He’s an honest man, I’m an honest man. This Jev video is making me cry. He’s sad. I’m sad. I don’t cry often, the last two times I cried for real were when I was 12 and 17; but I do cry when I watch sad things. It’s weird. My best friend’s mom could die and I wouldn’t really be all that sad honestly, but show me an anime mother being brutally murdered? I’m all tears. Why are my emotional priorities so mixed up?


I think I’m done writing for now. This blog is definitely long enough. Sorry if this was more pointless talk, I kind of treat this like a journal. After all, isn’t that what memoirs basically are? If you’re reading this, I hope you’re doing okay.


lemney snicket series of unfortunate events(Ignore this)

Memoirs of an Average Unaverage Guy: Entry 4#- The Accountant, and some other stuff.

5:42 p.m.

Well, I was pretty spot on with most of what I said about the movie The Accountant. It was a shoot-em-up movie where a badass codenamed “The Accountant” shot a bunch of mother fuckers that came after him, protected some girl he’d only known for 2 days from dozens of assassins, and killed the biggest baddie of them all in the end. I was only wrong about him doing something in his past or being framed. What I didn’t expect though was the movie focusing around autism and Asperger’s, which “The Accountant ” has and coincidentally so do I. It was really interesting to see the portrayal of what people think it’s like to have Asperger’s Syndrome through film though, especially for one such as myself whom actually has Asperger’s Syndrome. In the film, The Accountant has extreme problems with bright lights, loud noises, not being able to finish something, social interactions, OCD,  and there’s something that requires him to take opioids and roll a pin on his leg at night. Out of all of those, I think the only trait that I share is social interactions. Small talk doesn’t come to me naturally, so often times I wind up just sitting next to someone in a(an?) awkward silence. It was cool to see how he interacted with others and how I could compare that to myself.

7:14 p.m.

I took a short little break from writing to go play some video games. I’m really into strategic games, games that make you think. The game I was just now playing was Clash Royale. You may know what it is, you may not. It’s a mobile dueling app where you battle other people using your own custom “army” per-say. What I like about it is the fact that I’m playing against real people in real time. You have to account for your opponents moves. Your opponent isn’t a computer, set up like clockwork; no, your  opponent is a real live human being, and you can never fully expect what a human being will do. I have to think 1 move, 2 moves, 3 moves in advance in order to outplay and outsmart my opponent, and sometimes you get into those really good games, the kind of games where you’re both equally matched and you stay head to head the entire game until one of you can finally beat the other. Shit. I tend to ramble when I smoke. New topic!

I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow. It’s long overdue, so I can’t wait. I’m in the process of growing it out right now, originally my hair was cut at the eyebrows; but now I’m planning on having it at jaw length or maybe even longer. I’ve had longish hair before, but never that long. A few years ago I remember having longish hair that went down to the bottom of my nose if I pulled it straight down, but honestly I only remember this because I have pictures saved in my phone. Currently the length of my hair is just about touching the tops of my eyes, so I’m getting there, slowly but surely. I feel like I’m rambling again. New topic!

I found my hat today. I had lost it and I couldn’t find it anywhere but it turns out I left it at Aunt Kathy’s the last time I was over there. Now if I could only find my pocket knife, my Swiss army knife, and my eye glasses cleaning cloth. Seriously, I lose shit almost as much as I forget shit man. It’s a serious problem because I still haven’t found my gameboy or that garden snake that escaped its cage back when I was a kid. Not only do I lose things and forget stuff, I forget conversations while I’m having the goddamn conversation. You can probably see how that can pose a problem in every day life. How can you talk to people, if you can’t remember what you said 30 seconds ago? People always ask why I hate talking on the phone or why I always save my snapchat messages. Because I won’t remember what I said the next day if I can’t go back and look.Shit, the next day. Try the next 30 minutes. I’ll forget what people tell me that quick. And don’t get me wrong! It’s not because I don’t care about what they said or anything, it’s just that I can’t remember. Stuff leaves my mind as quickly as it comes in, and I can’t stop it. That’s why I love physical records so much. Books. Films. Paintings and photos, essays and memoirs. They can be re-read or re-watched or re-looked at time and time again, reforming it fresh in your mind.

Well I think I’m off for now.  Don’t think I’ll be long out of bed, only got about 3 and a half hour’s sleep. Yeet.

7:56 p.m.

Memoirs of an Average Unaverage Guy: Entry #2- My Mother, Pot, and Stupid Action Movies

8:27 p.m.

One of my bracelets is breaking. If you don’t know, which you definitely don’t since you don’t know who I am, I wear bracelets. Nothing flashy, just some rubber ones and some rope ones. I go through bracelets every now and then, such is to be expected when I wear them 24/7. Normal people get watch and Chaco tan lines, I get bracelet tan lines. The one on my right arm broke recently; which I still need to replace it =_=,  and now one of the rubber ones on my left arm is breaking. –sigh– I don’t know why I’m even bothering to write this down, it was just something on my mind I guess.

Anyways, lets talk about the day since I last left off. I went out to eat at Cracker Barrel with my mother. First off, if you don’t know what Cracker Barrel is, it’s this Southern-breakfast/dinner-country store-kind-of-place, and the food they serve isn’t bad. Stuff like country fried steak, pancakes, eggs, pot roast, chicken tenders with sawmill gravy, you get the idea. Second off, my mother, and the relationship I share with my mother, is complicated. My mother and I are two very different people, and we each have our own set of… issues that keep us from getting along all the time, or most of the time. My mother is, in short: neurotic, bipolar, senile, hoarding, hard of hearing, disgusting, and might be suffering from Alzheimer’s. You probably think I’m being a little harsh. Trust me, I’m not, I’m just being blunt. That’s not to say I don’t have my own issues. Asperger’s, the memory of a goldfish, the lack of general perception, a general sense of narcissism, ADHD, and being antisocial in general. We either tend to fight a lot, or to have these awkward moments. We’re in an awkward moment right now. I’ve been smoking over break, since I have literally nothing better to do than to play video games and watch Netflix, why not smoke alongside it? Well, earlier in the week she insinuated I was smoking and asked if I was but then quickly backtracked and said she didn’t want to know yet. Well, since then things have been a little weird, but nothing to fret on really. I figured I’d spend some time with her to show her I was fine, so that even if it did in fact turn out that I were smoking, it’d be okay since I was still somewhat social and functional, and it wasn’t effecting(or is it affecting?) my schoolwork. Well, cut that plan cause she caught me smoking last night. Well, not actually smoking, but she smelt smoke in my room; and she commented on it. I can’t really handle social situations when I’m high, so I didn’t really respond. That’s made things pretty awkward between us right now, but I don’t see this as becoming anything big. I honestly halfway expect her to ask me to let her try some. Her sister clearly smoked at some point, I feel like my mother would’ve known this, and they’re still friends today so why would it be different for us? Well, she did know it, because she said it at dinner tonight.




I just realized I’m completely headcased. If you don’t know what that means, it means being really really really high. I just got this new water pipe and I think I hit it too hard. Good thing I’m writing this down, or else I’d never remember it.

Sorry about that. Anyways. So yeah. That happened at dinner tonight with my mother. I kind of got sidetracked. That tends to happen when I write. I usually edit it for school writings or when I write little stories, but I think I’ll leave it as is. After all, they are my memoirs. Part of the reason I’m writing these is because my head is always brewing with ideas, but I never remember them later on. This way, by keeping a daily written accord of myself and my thoughts, I have a written record that I can always reflect back on. Even if no one reads this stuff, as least I’ll be able to look back when I’m old and look at my writings from years past. That’ll be cool:).

Tomorrow I’m going out with my Aunt Kathy(who’s not really my aunt but basically is) to see some movie called The Accountant. I have no idea what it’s about but based off Aunt Kathy’s tastes and the title, I’d have to say it’s probably some shoot-em-up movie where some badass codenamed “The Accountant” shoots a bunch of mother fuckers that come after him for either something he did in the past or something he didn’t do at all, where along the way he most likely will have some sort of female and/or children to care for and protect that may/or may not be threatened. He will then proceed to brutally murder every bad guy in his way until he saves the day and kills the biggest baddie of them all. Sounds like a great Aunt Kathy movie. See, I like intelligent film, really I do.But I also love just watching some stupid shit that is meant to entertain me for a short while and then I forget about it a few days later. These ridiculous action movies are great for that. Great “brain filler.” In my mind, these movies are great to reflect on later in my head. They’re just great fodder to think about reflect back in your head later. Then in a few days, you forget about it, aside from random instances where it pops back into your head. Until you watch it again later in life, only to replay it some more in your mind for the next few days, then you forget about aside from random spikes where it briefly crosses you mind; until you watch it again even later on in life, and rinse and repeat. Really is kind of crazy to think about.

Anyways, more about Aunt Kathy later. I think I’ve done enough writing for now lol, it’s 10:03 p.m. already. Uh, if anyone is out there reading this, thanks I guess for being interested enough in my life to read this thing? Shit I don’t know man, just thanks I guess. I don’t know what for, but thanks.